This list is inspired by the fact that so many people list
Shawshank Redemption as one of their favourite films of all time; despite
actually finding it average and hold it in high regard because they think they’re
supposed to or because everyone else says it’s so great. It’s, I asked 4
people. To be fair all these films are overrated so they are in no particular
order.
1. Shawshank Redemption
Indulge me. I know speaking
against this film maybe taboo but it’s painfully average. Yes there are some
good quotes, yes it has a happy ending and yes it has Morgan Freeman but that
doesn’t make it as amazing as everyone says! Marred with clichés (the aged
prison philosopher befriending/ mentoring the wrongly convicted introverted
accountant as he tries to survive sadistic guards and an evil prison warden),
we are shown that maintaining dignity through the hardest of situations (Prison
Rape anyone?) and good will prevail over evil. This is a lie, it’s such a misleading
lie that it should be considered irresponsible! And it’s sooooo bleeding long, over
2 hours of this. I’ll concede it’s a decent film but it’s not the master piece
everyone makes it out to be. Next time someone asks you what your favourite
film is and before you say Shawshank, ask yourself if you really mean it,
please, just for me.
2. Citizen Kane
This Orson Welles ‘masterpiece’ film sat atop of many lists complied by ‘resected’
movie critics as the greatest film of all time until recently (deservedly) dethroned
by Hitchcock’s Vertigo. For some reason it’s considered a ground-breaking piece
of cinema, a tale of sorrow drenched with intricate subtlety and mystery. It’s
not. I mean its ok; it’s just a bit dull (like sitting through a uni lecture on
some facet of chemistry accompanied with grey PowerPoint slides and unenthused
lecturer).
Honestly, it’s really well shot
and put together, the cinematography and presentation is well ahead of its time
and the plot makes sense, sort of. But it’s the ending that really gets my
goat. A Sled!! Rosebud was a fricking Sled!! Kane was a prick, but a Sled was
his greatest love! Gimme my 2 hours back.
3.
Titanic
This is shit on so many levels.
It’s a clichéd love story of people from different economic backgrounds but on
a boat that sinks. That’s it. That didn’t take 3 hours. Plus parts of it didn’t
even make sense. You know what? I’ll give you this; I refuse to give this movie
anymore my time after it pilfered 3 hours already.
It’s unequivocal impact on pop culture
notwithstanding (Luke I really am your father), these Space Westerns really
were quite decent. Quite decent is not “OMG
these are some of the greatest movies EVER”. I'm only counting the original series, the newer ones are crap.
5.
The Matrix
I like Keanu Reeves, he’s funny
to look at and he makes me laugh. Laurence Fishburne? He’s been ace since Apocolypse
Now. The premise is a bit silly but that’s ok, there are some cracking action
scenes and its impact on pop culture is
undoubted (Everyone has tried to dodge imaginary bullets like Neo, stop lying to
yourself) but it takes itself WAY too seriously. And there is no way it should
be revered as much as it is. It’s a solid Scfi action flick, isn’t that enough?
6.
The Twilight Saga (Every single wretched film)
I should not have to justify why
this is overrated. Shoddy acting, horrifically clichéd love story and characters
that are way too pale. The reasons why these films are worshipped is beyond me?
Maybe this will end now that R-Patz and Miss Stewart have split, but I don’t know,
I can only hope. But how on earth has this shitty story spawned 5 films?? I
have little faith in humanity.
7.
Face Off
Nicholas Cage has a habit of
appearing in awful films, Kick Ass excluded. This is no exception. A face
Transplant? Really? Don’t be silly. Not even Jon Travolta could stop this from
being a ridiculous mash of gun fu and over the top dialogue (and Travolta is awesome,
From Paris with Love excluded).
8.
The Wrestler
I like Darren Aronofsky, Requiem
for a Dream was trippy and Black Swan was equally trippy. This film was praised
for its authenticity, Mickey Rourke was really believable as a man having
trouble letting go and Marisa Tomei is always awesome. But this is not as good
as everyone says. Personally I found it a slog to watch and although it
highlights the human condition of self-sabotage and deluded perseverance it’s
not a masterpiece.
9.
Beauty & the Beast
I have trouble understanding why adults
who have seen this before willingly show this to their children. It’s a
shameless glamorisation of Stockholm syndrome. The Beast holds the girl captive
and whilst in captivity falls in love with him. Disney, What the frack? This
worse than that time a bloke found a naked deaf girl on beach and fell in love
with her.
10.
Tree of life
Terrence Malick the reclusive
genius came out of a 5 year self-imposed film exile with this. It won awards
and has Brad Pitt in in. I still have no idea what it’s about.
11.
Passion of the Christ
I think it’s the unwavering
deluded support and love this film gets from the religious evangelical zealots
that really bugs me. As a film its ok, a bit gory and it’s in Aramaic &
Latin (that doesn’t happen every day). It’s probably the Tim Tebow of Movies to
be honest. Plus it came with too much controversy with its supposed subtext for
a film that really is an adaption of literature. To be fair Jim Cavaziel was
fantastic as JC but I preferred when Mel Gibson was hanging out with Danny
Glover and exploding toilets.
12.
Bonus! Justin Beiber: Never Say Never
This doesn’t deserve any
justification. Just know it’s rubbish and loved by an Army of fanatics, who are
really mean on twitter.
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